Sindel Hijab

“Everyone has black hair, so I want to go to the salon and make mine brown!”

"My hair is so curly and wavy. One day I’m going to straighten it permanently.”

“You’re like the Pillsbury character. Anytime we poke your arm and it shakes, you giggle.”

“I am flubber!”


As a child. I always hated my unmanageable wavy thin hair. I am South Asian after all; I was supposed to be blessed with long, silky, Sindel-esque (dark) locks with preternatural powers. Naïve me never took genetics into consideration, ever. How was I not aware that both my parents had curls in their hair and that I was just a creation mirrored after some of their features?

Let’s move forward to what happened a year ago! I was in the public bathroom trying to fix my hijab, and two women came by to wash their hands and fix themselves up. They both had lavishly commercial worthy hair that I was only able to appreciate for a few seconds before they left.
I was still in the bathroom trying to fix my damn hijab because it would not stick to my head. And then I noticed something about my scarf that I probably was not aware of for a very long time.

Over the years, I did not care to “fix” my hair. I no longer wanted brown hair, and I no longer wanted to straighten the crap out of my curls. Those things no longer concerned me; so as I looked at the mirror in that public bathroom, and I realized that it was thanks to my hijab that I felt that way. I never had to compare my physical appearance with others (to some extent). Have dandruff? Wear the hijab! Have a bad hair day? Wear the Hijab! Don’t want to put effort into your looks? Wear the hijab! Have lice? Wear the hijab!!! :p.

I’m joking, but in all seriousness, for a person who compared herself a lot, that was one thing I never had to compare myself with. Also, because I personally believed my hijab was meant to cover more than my hair, I realized that I never cared for how my body looked either (I also think this has to do with the fact that we never had a weight scale in the house).  I always got told that I was skinny or I was supposedly healthy. I am neither, though. My eating habits are terrible (munch, munch, munch), and I’m not tone at all. Some of my family used to always poke me because my skin would (and still does) bounce when touched. Even now, I’m very happy that I can associate myself with flubber.  :D.

So anyway, thank you hijab for doing something that I was completely unaware of.

Why the Hijab Sis?

Ah, the hijab. How is it that a piece of cloth that we put on top of our hair be so controversial? No, seriously, I am still trying to figure that out. I do not completely understand that controversy unfortunately. 

Since the word “Hijab” is not explicitly mentioned in the Quran, whether the hijab is compulsory or optional is debated frequently amongst Muslims. I’m no scholar, but in my opinion, the headscarf is obligatory-- similar to how we are supposed to cover all of our awrah. Nonetheless, as mandatory as I believe it is, I also think wearing the hijab is a decision that every Muslim woman should make on their own. The reason being, most of what we (I) do as Muslims are based on our niyah (intention). Intention is so important in Islam that I do not think it make sense if we simply wear the hijab to show-off or to get praise from others.
That gets me thinking, to the Muslim parents and family (especially those living in the West) who believe that the hijab is the most important thing before the prayers, why do you force your daughters to wear it when they are reluctant to do so? Sometimes, I think it is simply because most of our faith is based off of what the Muslim community will think about us and less about how the children feel about their faith and the obligations of their faith, but I could be wrong...

I grew up in a South Asian household, so I am aware that the hijab can be a cultural part of our identity as much as it can be a part of our religious identity. I always understood the meaning of the hijab through an Islamic framework, but the cultural hijab never made sense to me. Moreover, I always struggle with my hijab because it involves trying to explain to people that the extra piece of cloth I wear is part of my identity. There are moments when it is hard to wear it because I hate being noticed. I’d rather be in the corner of a room and crawl inside a rock, but that is obviously impossible to do. Sometimes, I hate talking about it because the assumption is that the hijab is forced, so I find myself explaining what the hijab is meant from my perspective or from the perspective of the majority of the Muslims I know. However, I always feel sad when talking about it because Muslim women wear the hijab for various reasons, and I cannot explain it all.

Reason why Mulimahs' may wear it
·         Cultural reason (Islamic culture vs. ethnic culture)
·         Pleasing the family/community/friends/spouse.
·         For God. :)
·         Considers it an obligation, so they follow it
·         Forced
·         To be seen as a person of intelligence and not an object.
·         Identity
(There are probably many more, but I’m just not aware of it at this moment. When I get the time, I might elaborate on some of them that relate to me, but for now, I’ll just leave the list the way it is)

Anyway, the reason I’m writing this blog is to explore the reason I wear the hijab. I’ve worn it since I was in 2nd grade so obviously the reason I wear the hijab has evolved throughout the years. There are days when it becomes difficult to wear it, and then there are days I’m so comfortable with this piece of cloth. I want to discover how big of a role does the hijab have in my identity. How big of a role does the hijab have in the way I act? And, how big of a role (if any) does the hijab have on how others react towards me?
There are so many things that I am confused over, and I do not think the answers will be found overnight. Still, I’m willing to search for it….